Something that has been on my mind for a while is how poorly gay men seem to communicate in general.
IN GENERAL - no more emails saying that I am dissing the ENTIRETY of Gay Men all over the world - if you think that, then you are not reading my posts properly and thus only reinforcing this one...
To continue....
When I came out - it was done so by 2 good friends of mine - one gay man, one bisexual woman - "literally" picking me up and carrying up a flight of stairs into a gay club for the first time. Oy vey - one HELL of a night - what is most memorable is that (a) I didn't pick up anyone for sex and (b) I had a great time talking with people. Engaging with people and having TRUE conversations.
Go into a gay pub or club here in Brisbane or Sydney for that matter - and you will more than likely spend the night standing alone. If you are approached it is usually only with the subversive agenda of talking to get into ones' pants. Yes - even chubby me gets that.
When did we stop being able to talk for talkings sake?
By that I mean when did we stop just being able to chat to someone without there having to be an undercurrent to any of it. Some of you will say that we haven't, but anecdotal evidence of my own AND good looking friends of mine would suggest otherwise.
Even in people friendly Orlando, Florida, I found this to be true. Bubb and I went to a bar there one night and we were both chatted to by the bartender in a very engaging and funny manner. He had us splitting our sides with laughter. But when he found out we were a couple, he promptly dropped us like a hot rock.
What the...?
Also, if you were approached by me, would you chat? Would you assume I was automatically hitting on you? Would you be respectful and engage - no matter how briefly? Or would you just give short, sharp, one word responses and hope I went away? Now this isn't about me but a general question.
Even more concerning seems to be the lack of communication in relationships. This IS something I have had experience with - indeed it was part and parcel of Bubb and I separating from a relationship into a "companionship". We both are able to talk readily and fairly comfortably now. But even now there are still some uncomfortable roadblocks that we endeavour to break through but is difficult to do so. It seems even after 10 years we still need to learn how to communicate in certain areas of our life together / with each other.
Now - if we can't communicate openly and honestly in a relationship, how can we do so in a new social setting where we may not know anyone? Or if someone is a new-single attempting to get back a social life which means trying to engage with new people?
I feel we have - to some extent - lost the art of chatting and replaced it with the tactic of "chatting up".
I'd be interested to hear what you all think...
Shabbat Shalom and blessings to all of you.
Damien
xox
7 comments:
This is an interesting post and I agree with you on that. Chatting and getting on that get to know you level or just to meet new people gives you some sort of horizon. I guess in this culture sex sells and people only want to bust a nut and move on.
Interesting post. I'm not one for the gay community in general. I find precisely what you find.
That said, I am involved in several groups that are of a rather geeky nature. It nourishes my engineering soul.
they carried you up a flight of stairs?
Anon - they truly did.
I think years ago the only place you could meet other gay people safely and talk was a bar or bookstore, that's no longer true or necessary. Now, only happy hour is really for socializing and late night is for cursing.
Also, I think it's just gets harder and harder to make new friends as we get older.
One thing I always tell myself is that if I am somewhere, anywhere, then someone just like me it probably there too. I means values, interests, those sort of things.
Society changes and not always the way we like. In the last 50 years the changes are coming faster and harder then we are able to adapt to. And I think they are continuing to speed up.
Slightly off topic, on a recent tour of Vietnam i was approached by a young guy who just asked where i was from and how i was enjoying his country. I had to say my goodbyes and rejoin the tour group, who all seemed amazed that i chatted to him rather than walk away as "you never know what these people want". How sad it is to have a attitude like that.
Sad that we are about laying each other rather than knowing each other.
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