I finally love myself.
Not the - "Oh look at me look at me I am so hot and wonderful".
But the "I can look at my overweight body; I can look into my depressive mind; and, I can look into my eyes older than they should be and say 'I am good'".
To say that this is a big thing is an understatement.
But it is not a big thing for you - or my husband - or my friends - it is a big thing for me.
When you have mental illness it is something that continually has you questioning EVERYTHING.
Finally, I am at a point where I accept everything as it is and just do what I can to effect change on a daily basis.
The first part of reality is acceptance.
- I am overweight - just a fact.
- I need to work on my career - I have none right now - just a fact.
- I live with mental illness - just a fact.
- Mental illness does not have to BE my life - that is the F-A-C-T.
Everything in my life is owned by me and no one else.
Today - the old life stops.
At 38 I choose to live - to change - to win - to achieve - and to enjoy.
I choose not to give in - not to fall apart - not to ignore help - not to ignore the goals and desires of others.
I choose to be me.
And I love me.
15th of March 2010 - My rebirth.
For all of you - I pray that HaShem grants you the gift of discovery that He has gifted me on the eve of my 38th birthday.
To those bloggers who have come into my life - and you know who you all are - thank you. You all bring a wonderful sense of discovery and surprise to my days.
I am lucky that so many that I hold in high esteem visit my blog and take time to send me emails that are supportive, encouraging and engaging.
I started this blog just to give myself an outlet for my own creativity - and yet, I find that I am being inspired by so many others who also simply started their own blogs for an outlet.
I love the net.
I love my blog.
I love that it brings me new contacts.
I love my husband.
I love my faith.
And........... finally................. I love myself.