Queer ........... Gay ............ Homo ............ Pinko.......... Happen To Be....

What term do you use?

I've always found this an interesting discussion.

Me - I'm a Jew who happens to be Gay.

This has gotten me in trouble with many gay men (especially activists) because they say that I am chickening out and not being true to the community.

To them I say .... fuck you. Seriously. This is how I identify. It doesn't mean I'm ashamed of anything or am trying to be some facsimile of a straight man - I just don't see being Gay as the centre of my identity.

Some like the word Queer - mainly because it is (to them at least) a more broader and more encompassing identifier because it reaches across gender identifiers and is a single term for a whole community.

Here's my thing, I don't like the word. But I would never tell someone else not to use it. It's not my thing, but I can appreciate the use of it.

Others like to use the word HOMO - or MO for short. This is another one I am happy to use. Although, that for me may have something to do with the use of the word on Will & Grace. Say what you will about the entertainment world, but a lot of how terms are used and, more importantly, permitted in society, is often largely in part due to mainstream shows like W&G and their use of terminology.

Personally - I identify more with Karen than anyone else on that show. Which means of course I also self identify as a self-medicating alcoholic LOL :)

Personally - I'd just be as happy to call myself a man-lover - simply because that's about as specific as it can be. Man-Fucker could be a bit too over the top and a little bit too inaccurate :)

Meanwhile, it's an old argument about identifying as an individual and how others prefer to identify as part of a community.

Only thing is, what if you don't identify with the community that you are technically a part of?

I am quite possibly the most non-gay gay man that is out there. My partner and I don't go to gay clubs or socialise with other gay couples / singles. All of our friends are straight. This wasn't by choice but is how it has turned out. They don't really have a float for people like me in Mardi Gras.

So how do you identify? Leave your thoughts in the comments and I'll be putting them together in a follow-up post. Alternatively you can email me your thoughts and opinions to damientc@xtra.co.nz

Thanks all.

Damien.

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