Friday, 23 October 2009

............................When Insults Had Class............................

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde


"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

.

7 comments:

Wonder Man said...

some of these are great

The Mutant said...

Now now, lets not be quick to ridicule the use of a four-letter insult. You know I thrive on those sons of bitches. These however are truly a joy to behold.

I think "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." might be my favourite.

A line I have used myself, which you might like is at a party, upon encountering a particularly dull member of a group of friends wandering around with a glass of wine in hand: "Careful, she's adding ingredients to her personality" stolen from the film Eulogy.

Damien NZ said...

WM - They really are - but thats a whole different era sadly,......

Mutt - I love the quote :)

MJ said...

I'm making copious notes and shall use some of these to replace "Fucktard".

truthspew said...

I love this one, I live a version of it for a few years:

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

Indeed - I had a staff of four once. There was one woman who would call in sick and the rest of us would literally jump for joy. Of course while it was 'my' unit I couldn't fire her. Pity.

cb said...

ah yes... the brits do insults best!

Kyle said...

Damien I think my favorite has to be Groucho's "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." How many of us have said that, at the end of a night.