Monday, 19 October 2009

.....WTF...Oy Vey.......... There Is No Lifeguard On Duty At The Gene Pool...........

How do these people survive?

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I! Should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car... Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

10 comments:

YvesPaul said...

Are they true incidents? How is that possible?

The Mutant said...

Number six truly puts the fear of god into me... I'm sure Freddy Eyes from Bedrock Babble has some good 911 stories... you should hit him up for a few!

Damien NZ said...

YvesPaul - C'est tragique I know - but is true.

Mutt - Oh I know I read that and thought "Why was she allowed to breed?"

Wonder Man said...

wow, really?

MJ said...

This would be shocking were it not for the fact that I have, on more than one occasion, tried to change TV channels with the telephone.

Michael Rivers said...

Anyone who has ever worked directly with the public knows that each of these are probably true!

ToddyEnglish said...

Once I saw this movie called "Idiocracy" directed by Mike Judge (starring Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph). Anyway, it was supposed to be a science fiction comedy about the dumbing down of the world...
Sadly, I think the plot is coming true.

Kyle said...

Damien, if I didn't know they were all true, I think they would be funnier. Unfotunately, I think I have met each of these people.

Toddy English, I am certain the world of Idiocracy is leaking into ours.

Fabulastic said...

What shock me the most is when High Class people confess their ignorance blatantly.


I once ad a costumer in my Antiques shop that pointed to a Eighteen century Flemish «sanguinea» (a painting made of a special kind of red paint)and asked: « Do you have that one in blue? I love it but my drapes are blue...» After some talking I realized that the lady did not want a painting of that style in blue but exactly the same painting in blue! I aswered her bitterly: « Sorry , we run out of the blue ones. We only have in red, yellow and pink...»

Fabulastic said...

Errata: «once had», not «once ad».

Sorry for my poor, poor English!