Sunday, 13 December 2009

...................Some Responses To My Barebacking Post..........

......................as I said I would, I have posted below some responses to my post about my own position on barebacking.

I hope this continues to promote discussion as this seems to be something that is usually handled quite poorly in our community.

Thank you to those who have responded so far.

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No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's my opinion.

Never. Never, ever.

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I don’t have HIV, but my husband does. He’s had it for about 20 years and got it the old fashioned way in an effort to commit slow-motion suicide due to survivor’s guilt. I know this because he told me so. He willfully exposed himself to the virus in order to get AIDS and die. I interfered with his plan when we met a few years later and fell in love.

As a poz/neg couple, we have been very careful over the years. I am exclusively on top and we’ve never made love without a condom. HIV is like the third member of our relationship. It’s like a silent partner whom we try to ignore, but we are aware it’s always there ready to speak up the second we don’t give it the respect it commands.

As far as barebacking goes, I have been scared of HIV since I was a teenager and HIV/AIDS was first identified. As the result of the strong HIV education programs back in the 80s, I have in fact never had anal sex with anyone without a condom. I don’t know another soul in my position. I guess I’m an oddity. As such, I cannot really comment on barebacking since I have never done it.

But what I would like to add to this barebacking discussion is that I’d like to try it, just once, to know what it feels like. I want to know why so many guys insist on and even demand skin on skin contact when fucking. My marriage notwithstanding, the only way I could ever experience this safely is to fuck someone who, like me, is absolutely HIV free, and there is no way I would trust anyone’s mere word on this. That means that if I truly wanted to experience barebacking, I’d have to be prepared to accept some level of risk and I just am not willing to do so.

I’d like to add something else in relation to your post. You, as well as so many others before you, state that barebacking is a personal choice. I do not agree with that. It’s only “personal” if no one else is involved. And when it comes to HIV/AIDS, everyone is involved, i.e. the taxpayers.

It’s not like a person who chooses to bareback and subsequently becomes infected then pays for his own long term health care. No one can afford that unless he’s a millionaire. The American taxpayers have spent well over a quarter million dollars on my husband’s HIV/AIDS health care over the last 20 years. It’s not just his HIV that costs so much. It’s the HIV-related kidney stones and subsequent complications (caused by Crixivan (indinavir sulfate)), the HIV-related diabetes, and the HIV-related neuropathy that adds to the bottom line.

The point is, when my husband made his “personal” choice to bareback and become infected, that choice not only affected him but also affected every American taxpayer. His choice was far from personal. The same is true for anyone today who decides to bareback. This idea that it is only the barebacking participants themselves who are at risk is just plain false.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, his decision 20 years ago also affects me and our relationship every single day. HIV is very much a part of my life even though I am negative. Barebacking is not a decision that lasts for a few minutes of fucking. It’s a decision that may last a lifetime and deeply affect the ones you love.

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You are right - BB is a choice - sometimes you can become reckless - but BBing should only be with your partner and your partner alone.

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....................As you can see this issue provokes a broad range of responses...... and it highlights why we must continue to talk about this as the Virus is not going anywhere soon and unless this issue becomes one of daily discussion, we will never triumph over it.

I wish you all the best and I am thankful for having the caliber of readers that I do, and that you all enjoy 2 Cents Worth enough to contribute.

Brachah to you all.

Damien
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