Thursday, 4 March 2010

......Your 2 Cents Worth .............................. Open Relationships..........

...................Shalom all.

I am interested in hearing your views regarding open relationships - gay or str8.

I've never really had an open relationship - I have dated guys for a decent amount of time (3 months) where we weren't exclusive - but never a serious long term relationship that was monogamous emotionally - but open sexually.

Husband and I have been discussing this - not because we want to open our relationship - but more how these relationships survive considering that in our traditional views they are more "circumstances of convenience and / or companionship" than relationships.

Now - I see that these types of relationships including the following;

  • Where the 2 partners play in 3somes only - never apart.
  • Where one partner plays outside the relationship with the other partners blessing.
  • Where both partners play outside the relationship with full disclosure.
  • Where both partners play outside the relationship with a "Don't Ask - Don't Tell" policy.
Now - I am keen to more keen to hear your thoughts about this than spouting my own 2 Cents Worth.

So pop your opinions and / or experiences in the comments section and I will post them as a combined post when there are enough.

So - post away :) - please.

As always I am keen to hear your thoughts.

Shalom all

Damien
.

12 comments:

YvesPaul said...

I'm also very interested to hear what other people has to say about this. I don't think I'd be able to be not jealous unless I wasn't left out.

queer heaven said...

I'm single & have always been single ( unless you count the couple of long term "f buddies"). So I guess i am not the one to ask about this. Except to say the few couples that I know all have "open" relationships. It seems to work for them.

DuPree said...

Experience has taught me that whatever the arrangement, honesty and forthrightness is key - with the exception of those couples where the excitement is in getting 'caught'. (and we've known some couples where this has kept them together a very long time).

I think it's also true that gay or straight - more couples in our experience, at least the ones who honestly open up about it, confess to having dissimilar sex drives. With one couple we used to know, one partner would boast over dinner of his partner's 'conquests'.

Honesty, negotiation and TRUST - above all - allows these open relationships to work.

As for me and my partner - well, let's just say that after nearly 20 years together, it's pretty monogamous. But boy, do we - and I - have some fun memories.

(wink)

HS said...

I must agree with DuPree... Honesty and conversation and mutual respect are the key of open relationships...

My personnal experience, my partner and I have a kind of open relationship - the rule is that we can have sex with others but only if the other partner is present (actively or not)...

Paul Benjamin said...

Open relationships seem to work ok for some couples, but are detrimental to others.

Personally, I want to be in a monogomous relationship with someone you loves me enough to only want to be with me.

However, I've never had a relationship longer than 2 and a half years, so I can't speak for those couples who maybe change their minds a bit after the stability has set in.

Wonder Man said...

for me, I couldn't do it. I feel that when I'm settled down, I'm with the only one I want to be with.

But if it works for others, great. Make it Work!

The Mutant said...

I reckon its a situational thing. Sometime you're happy with monogamy and thus have a monogamous relationship. Sometimes you meet someone and figure that you want an open scenario and go with that.

Either way is okay. Importantly though couples need to talk about open relationships, be on the same page about what is and isn't acceptable, and at all times take their partners health and safety (emotional and physical) into account - as well as their own.

I know couples who pick up in front of each other, ones that play together and ones that play apart as well as those who wouldn't look sideways at another man. As far as I know they're relationships that work and are happy.

The Husbear and I have an open relationship (actually we close and open it from time to time - keeps things exciting that way), we suffer from that differing sex drive thing and have fairly different taste in men. we've played together and that's good fun, we've played apart and that's good fun too. No one is quite as good in the sack as he is, but we've had a couple of years to work on that.

At the end of the day people ought to do what's best for them and some people should maybe judge a little less harshly.

BosGuy said...

11 yrs later and it has worked for my partner and I. However, our ground rules are 1) safety first 2)honesty. What I mean by this is 1)that safe-sex is a must 2) act like an adult and own up to your actions (no secrets). These are our rules and they've served us well, but people often make the mistake of assuming what works for one couple - will work for them. I don't think this is the case and people should focus on themselves and their partner to figure out what is most important to them and what will work.

ayem8y said...

When I meet couples that have been together for over twenty years it’s always the same story, they include others in their marriage bed.

Sorry but sleeping with the same penis for the rest of my life is depressing no matter how much I love that penis.

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Kyle said...

Damien, like DuPree, I think being open, honest, and talking and mapping things out with your partner(s)is the best policy, whether you want monogamy or a polyamorous relationship.

Neither is better than the other, just different. I don't think it really matters if you are GLBT or str8, they same advice applies. You have to be true to yourself, your partner, and to your relationship and commitment. If people love each other, they have to work things out between themselves, and not listen to the rhetoric

Stan and I have a monogamous/exclusive relationship, something that is increasingly rare thing in our world, but I wouldn't change that, because of pressure from outside or to conform to what others want or need to see. Everyone else can go to hell! We know who we are, who we each were, and we know what we want to be together. We know what we need, and what our relationship needs.

Hope that helps!

ToddyEnglish said...

Coincidentally, I spoke about this on my blog after Mo'nique revealed that she had an open marraige.
Now, I would be down for 3somes with my partner (together of course)...But the open part would have to be discussed, extensively. I don't know if I could do it...
I would prefer exclusivity, but if he fell to temptation onetime and had random sex with someone else would I let it kill the relationship? I'm not certain.