Monday, 12 July 2010

......Religion................................ Why Does G-d Desert Us?.......

.............................So whilst I am on a religion kick here on the blog - a contentious issue I know - here is my own point of view and an example of my own personal asking of this question.


One question I am often asked when people realise I am a person of faith - especially a person of an organised religion - is the one above. And one can appreciate why they do ask it. Look at these things................


Drought

Famine

War

Hunger

Religious Intolerance

The Middle East

It is an easy question to ask............ and one I have asked myself during the last three months when I look at my mother - a person I consider a living saint. And I am not speaking as a Son - I speak as a man who has met thousands of people during my life and learned to recognise good and bad. My mother is not good........................... she is sacred.

My Ima (Hebrew for mother) - raised two children on welfare - other time working 3 jobs over 16 hour days - to make sure that her children had food - clothes on their back - and shoes on their feet. My brother lived with my Father whilst we were growing up so I only refer to myself and my older sister.

My mother earnt so little that we lived in a caravan park for 10 years whilst I was growing up. For Americans, a caravan park is a trailer park. My mother worked for the park. She cleaned the toilet and shower facilities - read the electricity meters - and cleaned the owners house and did his ironing. The death of her grandmother and a subsequent small inheritance allowed her to buy a larger caravan (trailer) for her and her children.

Eventually, she was able to land a full time permanent job as a cleaner for a hotel - which resulted in a larger wage - she also cleaned houses on her days off to bring in extra money.

My mother has lost 2 sisters - her mother to lung cancer only last year - and is now caring for her partner who has cancer in his brain, liver, lungs and kidneys. He is declining rapidly. She cared for her mother full time and now cares for her partner. She has clinical depression because of it.

She never asks for anything. She would give you the last shirt off her back. She even frequently stocks up her freezer with containers of home made soup and casserole for hubby and I - just coz she knows we love her cooking and is sorry that she can not come up here to cook for us.

She actually apologised that she could not come up here and visit because she is tending to her partner.

Can you believe that?

She is on a pension (retirement welfare) that is below the poverty line. My partner and I do what we can to help but are currently working out of our own financial issues and can not provide all that we wished we could.

My mother has never had money - never been wealthy - never been financially "flush" - and yet, she agonises when she is unable to provide a birthday present for me. I have told her a card and a hug from her is all I have ever wanted, but she still worries.

And now, not a year after her mothers death from cancer, she will lose someone else she loves to that dreadful horror.

Where is G-d for my mother?

I recently chastised him for his absence. As much as many of you do not believe - I do - and have felt his presence in his life. I look to my husband as proof of that. How else would I meet my soul-mate that would prove to be my reward for my years of loneliness and depression? He lived in America - I in Australia - and it was only through a series of remarkable coincidences that we met and continue to be with each other.

And yet - G-d seems absent from my mothers life.

Why?

So I will reprint here what I yelled at him not a month ago in my living room through tears as I had just got off the phone from mother who was again crying in despair.


You bastard.

I have asked little of you during my life. Nothing more than good health and happiness. For every time I asked one thing for myself - I asked 100 blessings for my mother - a woman that you can NOT deny is a living saint.

Where have you been Mr Omni-Present and Mr Omni-Potent Lord of Lords and Creator of the Universe for someone whose life has been toil, pain and depression?

How dare you allow her to bear such pain - even with the support and love of her children?

How dare you allow yourself to be called Good and Just and Merciful when a woman who embodies the qualities of Love, Kindness and Generosity cries herself to sleep more often than not?

You fucker.

You coward.

I don't care that you can pat yourself on the back for the miracle that is Creation.

I don't care that I'm pissing you off. Do what you want with me - but her................ you should have given her every subconscious desire she ever had. Happiness.

All she ever wanted was enough money to pay the bills and retire so she could rest. And what did she get?

Poverty - pain - loss - at a level and frequency that I could not begin to foresee.

And yet - we see people everyday of questionable character bathing in grotesque wealth.

You couldn't let her share a little bit of it you fucking cunt???

Oh no - you made her work so hard that her fingers LITERALLY bled. Her feet ached to the point of being unable to walk. Her back constantly in pain - and yet you sit back and watch over your marvel that is Man.

You are a coward. And what makes it worse is I believe in you. I know you are there. I have felt your presence in my life. First as a very young boy - and many times later throughout my life.

And yet the ONE person who deserved just a LITTLE break - My Ima - you have denied her time and time again.

You bastard of a being. You are not just. You are a mockery of the belief and love that I have for you. And yet even now I can not just decide to refuse you. I know you are there.

You are a coward and a bastard.



...........................That is cleaned up a little bit - but that is mostly it.

And no - G-d did not answer me.

Where is G-d?

I don't know - all I know is that G-d is not with my Ima.

Shalom

Damien

.

6 comments:

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Wow, serious stuff, and touching too.

As a guy who was raised Jewish, and then when I came out a large chunk of my family walked away, and my parents eventually disowned me, have had similar thoughts and questions.

The world is a tough place some days.

Anonymous said...

God is a myth. As Buddhism teaches: we suffer because of our attachments. By letting go of a belief in a myth, we let go of a part of our suffering. By letting go of our attachments to people, things, outcome expectations, religious dogma, etc., we are free to live each moment as it comes, not as we wish it to be. By living each moment and having a set of ethics that guide our relationships, we can live freely. Does it eliminate suffering? No. But it sure does reduce the events that cause it since much of our suffering comes from ourselves and our unrealistic expectations to which we attach way too much meaning.

Sue said...

It is really hard Damien and I feel for your pain, truly I do. But I gotta agree with Anon. God is a myth. You only suffer because of your expectations. If you could let them go, you would feel some relief.

Isn't it wonderful to be alive? Take a deep breath and doesn't it feel great? You may yet have the opportunity to help your mother, even if at the current time you cannot. There is always the future, never discount that. Don't give up hope for it. Don't get caught looking for external help that my never come.

http://fairviewsue.wordpress.com/

Wonder Man said...

Wow, you let it out

Damien Oz said...

Brahm - the world is indeed a hard place sometimes.

Anon - you dont believe in G-d but you practice Buddhism. Buddha is a god yes?

Sue - My Lady Sue - I respect your opinion, as always. It does feel good to be alive and when I breathe in it does feel great. But I want my soul to feel good too and right now it doesnt.

WM - You betcha mate.

Sue said...

Damien - Buddhists believe in a greater spirituality of the universe and that all things return to that spirituality when they die if they have lived a moral life [nirvana], or return to the world in another cycle [reincarnation]. But there is no god per se. I don't think I believe in reincarnation, but it is a nice thought. I don't believe in god, but I do believe in a greater spiritual force in the universe because of the all of the inexplicable things that exist all around us and the vastness that there is. Your and my souls, as you put it, are proof that something larger than us exists. You think it is god, I do not. I refuse to be fatalistic about it and rely on an outside "thing" to save my ass or to help those I love. I will endeavor to do that on my own, or not at all.

Your mother is helping the one she loves and how wonderful it is that she has the opportunity to do that for him. Think of her partner and the security she is giving him in his final days of life. Isn't that blissful for him? What a wonderful sacrifice she is making. Think of the great karma she is building for herself. That is how a Buddhist would look at her situation.

You will build your karma by welcoming her into your home when this trial is over for her, if that is what she desires. Or by earning the money to donate to her cause if at all possible in the future.

I mean no offense by my opinions Damien.

http://fairviewsue.wordpress.com/