Monday, 25 April 2011

....2 Regret......... My Life..............

Here I am in yet another depressive episode - after an argument with someone I truly do love - realising just how much of a fuck up I am at the age of 39......
  • I don't own a home or am in the process of getting one.
  • My husband and I separated - and I don't actually blame him - I'm quite the piece of work.
  • I am in a basic job with little in the way of career advancements - my company is a good one and my team are excellent people - but I should have been in THIS job 10 years ago - and in senior management by now.
  • I have ruined several peoples lives over the last 10 years - financially and emotionally.
  • I live with mental illness.
  • I'm fat.
  • I have ruined my looks - no one else is to blame - *I* did it. I have no self control.
  • I have a shitty financial outlook if I don't fix it in the next six months - again my fault.
  • I am unable to make a single sensible decision - or to successfully follow one fro0m beginning to end even if I do get one started.
  • I have no assets.
  • I have no social prospects - no friends in my city.
  • I have been told by many that I am too overweight for them.
  • Others have told me I am simply too stupid or too crazy.
So - when I listen to some people who think they have a shitty life - read this and compare - not so shitty anymore is it?

Oh - and this post is for me NOT anyone else - comments are not invited - I am putting this out there in the hope that the Universe / HaShem / myself takes a piece of solid wood and bashes my head in in the vain hope my brain re-scrambles itself into some semblance of sanity.

Yes - another depression post for those who like to complain about it.

And unless you can offer a spare 5k$ sitting around - or a psychologist who actually knows what the FUCK they are talking about - then say nothing otherwise I'll break my own rule and post YOUR email addresses - your email contents and my OWN dissection on EXACTLY how I view your thoughts and insights on my life.

This is MY fucking blog and MY fucking life - currently I find it hard to find satisfaction in either.

Neither is giving me ANY pleasure.

3 comments:

Sue said...

Damien my dearest - you have an illness! Please don't be so hard on yourself! You are trying to compete with totally healthy individuals while you suffer with a serious and almost debilitating malady called depression. Why can you not see this and cut yourself a break?

Besides, with the economy in the dumps such as it is these days, positions in management that you feel you should have, have been cut from organizations and are by all means largely unobtainable. Be glad you are not at that level, because I know people who were and got laid off!

One day at a time. That should be your mantra. Deep breath and one day at a time.

Your life is not so bad. You have legs and can walk. You have eyes and can see. Your country is not at war. You have food to eat. You have shelter. Your god is good to you. You are blessed. Do not deny your blessings by taking them for granted and cursing your situation. Be thankful. Life is good.

Enjoy drinking clean, cool water. Not everybody has that. We are very lucky. I think about that every time I lift a glass of water to my lips. I am thankful that I am not forced to drink from a dirty puddle with god knows what in it like many people in the world do.

Life is good for us. Enjoy it. We enjoy many gifts and take them for granted. You struggle with an illness every day and compete with others that are healthy. Please, give yourself a break. Don't compare yourself to others so harshly. Be thankful that you can compete and still work. Wouldn't it be horrible if you couldn't?

Big hug,
Sue

Banister said...

Well, may I at least offer a hug and let you know I'm thinking of all my friends "down under" on ANZAC Day?

BosGuy said...

To summarize or paraphrase Mick Jagger "you can't get no satisfaction"?

Did my attempt at humor translate thru the web? I hope so because I've seen your happier side too and know its there somewhere just waiting to come out.

BosGuy