If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s a famously
erudite scientist and comic. His mind sees things differently than most of
us do. For your amazement and amusement, here are some of his gems.
· I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
· Borrow Money from pessimists—they don’t expect it back
· Half the people you know are below average
· 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name
· 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
· A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel
so good
· A clear conscience is the sigh of a bad memory
· If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain
· All those who believe in psych kinesis, raise my hand
· The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese
· I almost had a psychic girlfriend… but she left me before
we met
· Ok, so what is the speed of dark?
· How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
· If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something
· Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
· When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong
lane
· Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be
lazy
· Hard work always pays off in the future, laziness pays off
now
· I intend to live forever……….. so far, so good
· If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
friends?
· Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet
engines
· What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
· My Mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I
made your horn louder”
· Why do psychics have to ask your name?
· If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that
you tries
· A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking
· Experience is something you don’t get until just after you
need it
· The hardness of butter is proportional to the softness of
bread
· To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from
many is research
· The problem with the gene pool is that there is no
lifeguard
· The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to
catch up
· The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is
required to be on it.
· Everyone has a photographic memory; some just have film
· If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your
headlights work.
Love this :)
Shabbat Shalom (AU Time) All
D
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