Polyamory is a concept that I have struggled with... the idea of a relationship that is not just two people - but three. Now I have known people (bisexual and gay) who have been in this type of relationship and have said the following about it...
- Is a balancing act.
- You generally have to have an Alpha in the Triad... A "boss" as such - sometimes referred to as a referee
- If done properly and with thoughtful consideration, it is an environment of total and complete love
- Jealousy and Needy desires need to be carefully managed
- Communication must be open and honest at ALL times
- There is a risk of one person being ejected because a stronger bond forms between the other two
- Three in a bed makes for the ULTIMATE in snuggle experiences
- Three wages provide a financial environment that is very healthy and solid
- Finances - again - must be an open and honest topic
- "Common ground" boundaries must be established, agreed to, and upheld
- If someone has a 'headache' - there is always another option lol
- To have the love and care of two others during the bad times is wonderfully supportive
- Triple the wardrobe
- A Family unit that can be a wonderful domestic situation
- The flipside of the Family Unit can be a "stuck at home" negative effect on outside socialisation
- Trust has to be given unconditionally and reassured frequently
- The Triads I have known have had one of two sex policies - Mongamous within the three ONLY - or - an invited fourth but NEVER one person going off and doing their own thing without the other two
- Balancing moods between three gays.... c'mon... we all know what we're talking about here and let's be honest...... we ALL have our bitchy / pitbull moments.....
I only ask because in a traditional two person relationship equilibrium is achieved by the balancing of personalities - an outgoing nature may balance an introverted personality / a person with a lack of attention to details may be balanced by someone attuned to details / a romantic may balance a pragmatist - so with three how is it done?
The other obvious question is "Can you love two people romantically with that same deep, abiding desire for happiness that traditionally would be the focal point of only ONE person??"
Now - this is something that is hard due to my own working class upbringing of traditional relationship constructs. We've been told for centuries that relationships are two people (let's ignore the gender stuff for a moment) NOT more than two. And yet - the father of my religion - Avraham himself - had two wives. Most Jews until the modern era DID have more than one spouse..... they also owned slaves but that's a whole different blog post....
I can see in THEORY this type of relationship could work very well. But on the other hand I see the PRACTICALITY being very difficult. You would have to have three very mature people who have sophisticated skills of communication, empathy, consideration, support, and - of course - romance. There would also have to be a very careful management of jealousy. For example - two people were horny - the third isn't (bad day / cold or flu / just not in the mood) - and the two go off for a hot and heavy romp - how would the third feel? There would HAVE to be at least some minor feeling of being "left out" - so how is that managed?
Now I could write a novel on this topic because of the depths of and numbers of interactions when talking about three people AND then throwing LOVE and SEX into the mix.
So what are your thoughts?
Leave them in the comments section or email them to me and I'll do a mega post on them.
Thanks all.... I look forward to your thoughts.
Shalom and blessings to you all