I just had a very interesting chat with my hubby and another blogger.
Without getting into too many details, the jist of it is that my hubby and I are both nervous about meeting other gay men coz in the past some have just been ho's trying to get some cock. Especially when it comes to meeting people without the other half being there - me or him.
Now why is this?
Why is it that there seems to be an overly large representation of ho's in the community?
Why do so many of us immediately expect the worst - or should I say the whorest?
What does this say about meeting new people and building new friendships in the community?
Is this the state of our community? If it is - then it is incredibly sad.
Discuss..................
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10 comments:
i don't think this "problem" is exclusive to Gay culture. Men in general are always fixated on sex. It seems to be something that the male species is born with. Someone said one time that men think about sex every 10 seconds.
I really don't find it sad, just the way it is!
I think that in a couple, lover, boyfriend relationship. Some people are not happy unless they mess up what you have. I dont think everyone is a whore. But there seems to be a lot of them.
Try dating - sex first and then get to know. ugh. I like to get to know then have sex.
As far as here in Indy, we have a group that is call Gay Indy Gatherings. It is men and women that just want to get out and spend quality time with out the "sex". We go bowling, camping, McDonalds, movies etc. If that is something you are interested in, maybe you should make a group for couples and friends. Who knows maybe you will find quality people. Because we are out there.
It is hard to meet other gay men because they either wants to get in your pants or they are not interested in you sexually and you're beneath knowing them or they think you're their competition for dicks. There's always some kind of sexual tension.
But I think being a guy has certain freedom and lack constraints to be demure. We are encouraged to get what we want in life in full force and part of that is men. That's why there are so many gay porn online, no?
It's a confidence issue. Gay man are fragile little creatures and we need the reassurance of being 'desirable' so we'll sleep with anything that has a pulse.
I kid, I kid. Actually, in my experience it seems to crop up often with men and women, both gay and straight. Gay men for some reason have been slapped with a reputation for it.
I guess religious zealots needed to single someone out, huh?
I guess I'm a little confused. They hit on you and your hubby and rather than say thanks but no thanks, you call them hos. You're free to think that way but when much of your blog features pics of hot men (which I truly appreciate!) and bordered by sexy ads, someone might think it's not inapropriate to think of you as sexually adventurous. I'm seriously not trying to be critical but this is like my good friend who regularly hosts swimsuit optional pool parties and is shocked, SHOCKED!, that some guys get touchy feely in the pool! Yeah, there's a time and place for everything but how is one to know from mixed signals?
you call gay men pigs when this particular post is sandwiched between two posts oogling men? If you're worried about meeting someone because you're too gorgeous and someone's bound to hit on you, the worry, I fear, is not in the meeeting.
(one of which, the top pic in the bears bears bears post, lives in Chicago.)
QH - I agree with you. But do we not have manners when it comes to people who are taken / in a relationship? Are we not above friendships having to have a sexual component?
Allen - that is the sort of people we like to meet and yes they are out there. Sadly, those networks can be hard to find because they themselves dont want the infiltration of those looking for a fresh source of new meat. But we continue to look for them.
YvesPaul - Ouis, but indulding ones sexuality is one thing - attempting to project your sexuality onto people who are clearly off limits is another thing.
I think this is a REALLY interesting discussion because we so often here only of the "I love men and cock and will always go get me some" and not enough from the "I love cock but I like people too and social doesn't have to be sexual"
Mutt - Yes but don't we also enforce that stereotype when members of the gay community are so OBVIOUSLY predatory - even with married men? Surely there are enough out there that they don't have to infringe on someone else's relationship?
Just Kevin - there is NO mixed signal here. Firstly, I am a gay man and i LOVE the male form so yes I will have them on my blog. I do not have erections or sexually explicit material ON my blog. But I certainly like them :) As I have stated many times.
The ads I feature are an aspect of my own sexuality that I enjoy but as you can see from the blog it isn't ALL I am :)
Plus if there were non porn blogs that I could advertise I would - actually - I do ! - there is a whole BUNCH of em in my links on the sidebar :)
And I am not calling ALL gay men ho's - I am saying that there are those out there who do not have limits and will attempt to get in the pants of ANYBODY (we all know them) when I would think there should be SOME restraint don't you?
My partner and I are NOT in an open relationship and we are very clear on that.
BTW - I haven't had someone hit on me in ages - this blog post is about how previous experience has coloured our desire to get out and meet new people on a social level.
Please don't just glance over the post - read it and you will see what I am saying - thank you so much for your comment. Really.
Your input to this discussion is very much appreciated. And I love visiting yours.
Project Christopher - LOL I am the most UNGORGEOUS man out there. And it is not about BEING hit upon now - it is about being hit upon in the past even thought I was happily and monogamously partnered.
Most gay men are not like this, but it is DAMNED hard to find them.
Re ogling - that is ONE thing - hitting on someones husband is quite the other.
Oh, hell, this has turned out longer than most of my blog posts! Actually I completely agree with you about how men behave but I don't think it's gay men. It's men. I was just taken aback when you said you were concerned about meeting men because they'd come on to you. If you're just meeting them and they hit on you, (face it, you're a hottie, stop denying it!) they may come on to you and I'd not object to that if I were you. I'd be more upset when they DON'T notice you! But if you happen to mention you've got a partner, they should step back to make sure the barometer on the monogamy thing before hitting on you. It's just manners, as you say! So, yeah, I agree with you, if he keeps going...YEP...He's a HO! LOL And I completely appreciate the humpy men, etc. on your blog but it would lead me to believe you were all prepped for a come on...tho I am much to shy and intimidated by hunks like you to do anything about it but blush and stammer...
JK - Two things.............
(1) It *IS* all about manners - but they really do seem to be in small supply these days which I think is kinda sad.
(2) You think I'm a hottie???? Can I ask what your labrador thinks :)
Thanks for the post and the self esteem boost mate :)
I'm a bit late to this conversation, but pleased I found it (I was being nosey).
I'm also pleased to knwo that we're (me and he) not the only one's to wonder the very same thing.
We encounter it all the time - mostly people hitting on Tazzy (he's the handsome one of the two of us, I reckon) even when I'm around! It really, really fucking pisses me off. There's just no respect whatsoever that a couple are in a loving and monogamous relationship - someone always thinks they can get around it.
But like you say acknowledge, it's NOT just a gay thing. I think it's men in general. Saying that though, almost every other gay man I know would jump into the sack with an alsation if no-one was looking.
Sad to say, but it's partly the reason that we only very rarely go anywhere gay anymore - we're never sure if we're being chatted with or chatted up.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm secretly straight.
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