.................and I only have myself to blame.
You see..............3 years ago I invested in a gym membership and a trainer and lost 15kgs, approx 40 pounds..... I felt good and looked better...........
Over the last month I have put it all back on and then some............
I don't know why............except to say I feel a sadness that is all encompassing...........
I do not know why I am feelings this way.............. is it my depression? and is this an episode?,,,,
Is it something else that I am unable to identify? I just do not know..............
I wake up each morning with a fatigue that is worse than it has ever been and I do not know why I am feeling this way........
I am on my meds.... I am taking a multivatamin......... I am taking fish oil............. I only have alcohol one night a week............. I am lost............
Actually - I think that is it............................ I feel lost............. but I dont know what from or how?
At times like this I wish for something......... I have no clue or idea what........... but I wish / yearn for SOME thing............ I just wish I knew what............
This probably makes no sense to you - and the haters of my blog will tell me I am being a drama queen but I feel like I am adrift in something beyond me.......... and it makes me feel frustrated and sad and angry all at the same time...........
I wish I could just scream out "Help me !!!" and someone / something would swoop down and assist - but I know that only happens in comic books and movies......
Maybe I have finally given up...........
Maybe I have finally accepted that a fat old cub is what I am.........
I don't know.............
I realise many of you will not care even slightly about this.............. but my blog has always been about showing you my life - raw and uncensored......... and this time......... it makes me uncomfortable and ashamed.....
Again - I do not know why................
Perhaps - I am just the hoot owl I have always been afraid to acknowledge........... maybe by admitting the crazy I may deal with it better................
I dont know...............
I really dont............
Shabbat Shalom
Damien
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10 comments:
Whatever you decide - whether you are a 'fat old cub' or a bat-crazy guy, just remember to be a *fabulous fat old cub* or a *fabulous bat-crazy guy*.
Everything else is relative.
aaawww sweetie *big little baby bear hugs* wish i could do anything to make u feel better :)
I do not know how anyone could hate your blog.
You have always been open and upfront about you life and it's problems. ....That takes balls, and you've got them.
Well I can certainly relate to the feelings of being overwhelmed and adrift. I also am prone to bouts of self-loathing and personal frustration. What works for me may not work for you so I won't try any cereal-box psychology, but I think its a good first step to recognize and admit this. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it'll help motivate you to make some changes.
*HUGS*
I feel you. I lost 20 lbs over the past few months and I know I have gained some back. I can feel it. I'm avoiding the scale because I don't want to know. It's denial. I'm so frustated I don't know what to do. I'm too ashamed to join a gym and have other people laugh at me. I hope you feel better soon and all this passes.
Hugs & Shalom,
Stan
hang in there, Damien. and breathe.
I know how you feel, I've been toying with the idea of getting lipo.
I appreciate all the love and feedback.
You guys rock and this is why I blog.
Much blessings for you all
I wish I had the magic words to make you feel better but I don't. The best I can do is that I love you the way you are. That's all.
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