As someone who has been with his best friend and loving companion for 11 years, trust me, these are the foundations of a healthy and successful relationship (Gay or Straight).  It also applies to friendships quite well too.

Five important relationship rules

• By Gabrielle Morrissey
• July 27, 2013

Communication and being a good listener are key to a happy relationship. Picture: Thinkstock. 

 

SEX and relationship expert Gabrielle Morrissey reminds us how to stay happy and strong with these relationship reminders. 

Sometimes we can be nicer to strangers or colleagues than a partner of many years. And that's not okay! It's not alright to be wonderful at work, sweet to friends, and then take all your frustrations and stress out on your partner.
Your relationship doesn't just require hard work at maintaining the passion it also needs attention to focus on staying lovely to one another, year in, year out. People can underestimate just how powerful this is.
Ask any couple who has been happily married for multiple decades and they will say they are great friends first, then lovers. So, as a reminder to be kind to your coupledom, here's some advice on how to stay happy in love and in friendship too.

1. Speak in the right tone
It may seem like a small thing, but the way you speak to your partner will have a big effect on how they react to the conversation. People respond well to a soft tone and immediately get hostile or defensive towards a harsh one. Be aware not just what you say to your partner in a daily way, but how you say it. A sweet tone as well as a sweet approach will minimise any clashes between you and make the daily grind less difficult and more pleasant.

2. Listen with both ears
As important as it is to communicate your own needs, hopes and expectations in your relationship it's equally crucial to hear your partner out too. When tensions are high, couples find it more difficult to hear what their partner is saying. When couples are disconnected, bickering or outright hostile, the tendency to listen is at a low point. But when you choose to "lay down your guns", stop arguing and just hear their point of view, it's a fast way to open up happy, healthy and connected communication. If your negative mind is clouding your listening ability, it's a good strategy to paraphrase what your partner is saying so you can hear it in your own voice and better absorb it.

3. Remember to smile
Even in the heat of the moment it's important to show your partner kindness. If you're in an argument, make an arrangement to talk it through sooner rather than later. If there are small squabbles between you make every effort to live as positively as possible. Scowling through your day only magnifies issues and difficulties and improves nothing. Regardless of how your partner is behaving, if you are nice it will rub off. It's hard to be mean, unkind or abrasive to someone who is being genuinely caring and kind, even when they are still mad! Fix what you can from your end, be the partner you want to have, and watch the positive effect that has, without a single argument.

4. Walk a mile in their shoes
Remember to have empathy for your partner too. Before becoming deeply engaged in arguments and conflict, try to pause for a moment to see what their perspective is. True partners are always doing the best they can, and if it's falling short of your needs and expectations, try to see why before criticising. And if there is a legitimate reason to complain, do it in a productive way rather than a fight provoking one. That means acknowledging where they are coming from so they feel understood, and then expressing what your need or expectation is. For example: "I know you're tired in the evening after a long day at work and an early start, and I'm tired too, but I could really use a little more help at night with the chores and organising the children". Rather than attack for lack of helpfulness, acknowledge why they might not be helping as much and point out why you need an adjustment to your established routine.

5. Keep the big picture in mind
Choose your battles and remember what's most important. Life isn't perfect and neither are relationships. If you want a harmonious relationship, remember why you chose your partner. Remind yourself that every day you choose to be with them and they choose you too. Let go of some of the smaller issues. Would you divorce them over the dishwasher? Not every fight needs to be a five-alarm fire. Simmer down if you're butting heads a lot and remember that being happy together is the most important detail to focus on.

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/five-important-relationship-rules/story-fnet09p2-1226686651709#ixzz2aDK2R900

Polyamory......

Threeway Relationships......... Triads.......... Tri-Love......... "Family"............

Polyamory is a concept that I have struggled with... the idea of a relationship that is not just two people - but three.  Now I have known people (bisexual and gay) who have been in this type of relationship and have said the following about it...

• Is a balancing act.
• You generally have to have an Alpha in the Triad... A "boss" as such - sometimes referred to as a referee
• If done properly and with thoughtful consideration, it is an environment of total and complete love
• Jealousy and Needy desires need to be carefully managed
• Communication must be open and honest at ALL times
• There is a risk of one person being ejected because a stronger bond forms between the other two
• Three in a bed makes for the ULTIMATE in snuggle experiences
• Three wages provide a financial environment that is very healthy and solid
• Finances - again - must be an open and honest topic
• "Common ground" boundaries must be established, agreed to, and upheld
• If someone has a 'headache' - there is always another option lol
• To have the love and care of two others during the bad times is wonderfully supportive
• Triple the wardrobe 
• A Family unit that can be a wonderful domestic situation
• The flipside of the Family Unit can be a "stuck at home" negative effect on outside socialisation
• Trust has to be given unconditionally and reassured frequently
• The Triads I have known have had one of two sex policies - Mongamous within the three ONLY - or - an invited fourth but NEVER one person going off and doing their own thing without the other two
•  Balancing moods between three gays.... c'mon... we all know what we're talking about here and let's be honest...... we ALL have our bitchy / pitbull moments.....

 Now it is clearly a very fine tuned balancing act of emotions and needs and practical considerations that require work to maintain a healthy equilibrium...... Here's my question........ can there BE an equilibrium?

I only ask because in a traditional two person relationship equilibrium is achieved by the balancing of personalities - an outgoing nature may balance an introverted personality / a person with a lack of attention to details may be balanced by someone attuned to details / a romantic may balance a pragmatist - so with three how is it done?

The other obvious question is "Can you love two people romantically with that same deep, abiding desire for happiness that traditionally would be the focal point of only ONE person??"

Now - this is something that is hard due to my own working class upbringing of traditional relationship constructs.  We've been told for centuries that relationships are two people (let's ignore the gender stuff for a moment) NOT more than two. And yet - the father of my religion - Avraham himself - had two wives.  Most Jews until the modern era DID have more than one spouse..... they also owned slaves but that's a whole different blog post....

I can see in THEORY this type of relationship could work very well.  But on the other hand I see the PRACTICALITY being very difficult.  You would have to have three very mature people who have sophisticated skills of communication, empathy, consideration, support, and - of course - romance.  There would also have to be a very careful management of jealousy.  For example - two people were horny - the third isn't (bad day / cold or flu / just not in the mood) - and the two go off for a hot and heavy romp - how would the third feel?  There would HAVE to be at least some minor feeling of being "left out" - so how is that managed?

Now I could write a novel on this topic because of the depths of and numbers of interactions when talking about three people AND then throwing LOVE and SEX into the mix.

So what are your thoughts?

Leave them in the comments section or email them to me and I'll do a mega post on them.

Thanks all.... I look forward to your thoughts.

Shalom and blessings to you all

Damien
xox

......Your 2 Cents Worth .............................. Open Relationships..........

...................Shalom all.

I am interested in hearing your views regarding open relationships - gay or str8.

I've never really had an open relationship - I have dated guys for a decent amount of time (3 months) where we weren't exclusive - but never a serious long term relationship that was monogamous emotionally - but open sexually.

Husband and I have been discussing this - not because we want to open our relationship - but more how these relationships survive considering that in our traditional views they are more "circumstances of convenience and / or companionship" than relationships.

Now - I see that these types of relationships including the following;

• Where the 2 partners play in 3somes only - never apart.
• Where one partner plays outside the relationship with the other partners blessing.
• Where both partners play outside the relationship with full disclosure.
• Where both partners play outside the relationship with a "Don't Ask - Don't Tell" policy.

Now - I am keen to more keen to hear your thoughts about this than spouting my own 2 Cents Worth.

So pop your opinions and / or experiences in the comments section and I will post them as a combined post when there are enough.

So - post away :) - please.

As always I am keen to hear your thoughts.

Shalom all

Damien
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