Saturday, 26 December 2009

........My 2 Cents........................ Thin Vs Fat...........................

.........after my post re the issue of gay culture and it's lack of appreciation for physical diversity - I thought it was only responsible of me to bring it back to a personal level.

So first........................... the THIN.

This is me back in 2002 at 75 kgs when I was in peak condition with pecs and biceps and a 32 inch waist and some serious sex appeal - yes I know it is vain to say that - but those emails I received from bigmuscle and gaydar didn't write themselves so I think I there was something going on.

So how was life different THIN.
  • Shopkeepers ALWAYS approached you first - very quickly - imploring you to spend money in their clothing store.
  • If you left something on your plate at a restaurant, they always assumed you were finished.
  • You were somehow able to radar into another similarly built, horny gay man within 5 kilometers and knew you were going to shag................ repeatedly.
  • Waiters always served YOU first in a high end bar - and hopefully got your number.
  • You were envied in the workplace for the ability to wear fitted, corporate clothing that accentuated your good points.
  • You took your time going from towel to the pool at the local swimming hole.
  • Taking your shirt off at a dance party was a requirement - not an option.
  • Bending down to pick something up was a routine set of kinetics.
  • People respected you at the gym for the obvious hard work you have put in.
  • The only reason people looked at you on the street was to catch your eye - and maybe your ass.
  • Walking was a past-time - not a preventative health measure.
  • Clothes came in a variety of sizes depending on your own personal preference.
  • Working out was a recreational activity and a medium to build yet more muscle.
  • People could actually WONDER if you had a mind - and even engage you in conversation to see if there were actually neurons behind the nice pecs.

Now........................ the FAT.

Let's break it down using the above list ............... shall we?

So how is life different FAT.
  • Shopkeepers NEVER approach you first - I actually timed it one day as a wee social experiment and I spent a whole 12 minutes in a store, aimlessly wandering around before someone asked me if I needed help.
  • If you leave something on your plate at a restaurant, waiters always ask "Are you still going?" - because you could not possibly leave anything on your plate, being a fat pig.
  • You are somehow able to earn simultaneous scorn and pity from every gay man within 5 kilometers ................ repeatedly.
  • Waiters always serve YOU last in a high end bar - after all, you can't possibly be there to pick up so you are only there to drown your sorrows and as such have infinite patience that they very nice, handsome, young man behind the bar might hopefully notice the fat ol' lush down the other end.
  • You are envied in the workplace for the ability to find corporate clothing that actually covers all those horrible bumps, lumps and thus not actually putting your work mates through the hell of seeing all the aforementioned bits.
  • You never go to the local swimming hole - and wait until after dark before using the pool in your apartment complex.
  • Taking your shirt off at a dance party doesn't happen - because you would no longer ever go.
  • Bending down to pick something up is now a series of mechanics that take planning, breath holding and considerable reddening of the face.
  • People respect you at the gym - because you are actually doing something for your health - really - the only surprising thing about being fat that I have encountered thus far.
  • The reason people look at you on the street now is to distribute yet more scorn and pity.
  • Walking is now a preventative health measure - yet made that much more difficult because you take an extra 40 kilos (88 pounds) with you on each walk - and your knees, hips and back are not happy about that.
  • Clothes come in a variety of sizes - but all contain the letter X somewhere in it (XL, XXL, XXXL, et al).
  • Working out is now an extreme sport balancing the convergent risks of hyper ventilation, cardiac arrest, and irreparable joint damage.
  • People actually assume you have an intellect - because with a body like a Russian doll, you can't possibly have any sex appeal outside of the Appalachian Mountains.
Now - whilst some of the above contain a dash of whimsy, they are in fact, all experiences that have happened to yours truly.

You do get served differently in all areas of society - except the local supermarket - and you are pitied by complete strangers on the street.

What you do not receive is support, encouragement, empathy, or even the slightest bit of respect, until you prove yourself worthy of some respect by performing at a level - social or professional - over and above any thin, good looking people in your circle or workplace.

Think I'm kidding? If you are - then you are clearly thin.

Nodding understandingly - maybe even with unshed tears - then you are fat.

We are - as gay men - absolute cunts when it comes to this issue - and the sad part is - we are three times as cunty as society at large.
This his hilarious given how much we desire to be taken seriously by society at large and yet do nothing to combat stereotypes within our own community. And yet - somehow - we can form a 10,000 person protest at a moments notice when some heterosexual calls us "A Biblical Abomination".

I don't want gay marriage. I want equity yes - but I would also like us to fix our own internal problems first. After all, until we take ourselves seriously - ALL of us - heterosexual society is under absolutely no illusion as to how they have to take us.

We need to embrace the differently abled, the culturally different, the aged, and yes...... the rotund.
No it is not okay to look someone up and down and say "Kill me if I ever get like that"

No it is not okay to look at someone in a wheelchair and sigh pityingly.

No, it is not okay to simply tell a fat person "Then do something about it" - there are in many cases nothing that can be done - aside from the option of radical surgery. There are so many factors such as metabolism, depression, anxiety, genetics and behavioural conditioning, that make simply "Doing Something" a nigh impossibility.

No it is not okay to assume that someone is large due to the mistaken axiom of "Fridge Fucking".

No it is not okay to PITY large people. Your pity should be reserved for issues such as your own ignorance and lack of education.

Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to encourage a large person to exercise. But please, do strap 60-odd pounds to your own body first - and then go for a 10km (6 mile ) walk so you can appreciate the pain and injury that extra weight WILL give you.

And yes, you can be nice to FAT people - actually............ just treat them as people and not FAT.
You know, like how we never mention the weight issue when it comes to Lesbians - you know what I'm talking about and yes you should feel ashamed.

After all ...................... the only reason it is an issue for me (aside from the health risks) is because YOU put the FAT before my name - not me.

That's my 2 cents worth - and I just spent it.





Wonder Man said...

you're still cute regardless

emcitychris said...

mmm I'd still do ya!

The Mutant said...

I'm not ever going to successfully change your opinion about yourself, and that's something only you can do anyway, but here's some change for your two cents worth:

1. You are right, people will always alienate and treat those different from them awfully, why? Because people are cunts. Not all, but most.

But it isn't just gays. all people from all walks of life have idiotic, baseless prejudices.

2. You are an amazing, talented, brilliant man, and I won't deny that in 2002 you weren't handsome, because you were, however I think right now you have a better chance of catching my eye then you ever did before.

Further than that, as well and being insanely handsome you have a mind-blowing personality to back it up. Anyone who discredits you because of your weight (or height, or age, or religion, or hair, or dress sense, or anything equally as unimportant) doesn't deserve the privilege of knowing you anyway.

You just keep being the man you are and always have been, and you'll always have my respect. I promise you that.

Kyle said...

I agree with most of your assessment Damien. Those inequities are well established. Accomplishing diversity of any kind within our community is difficult. The golden proportions are god, as are WASP ideals.

People are people and lets face it, many are not nice, even more are clueless, and the greatest number don't want to care about others. It doesn't excuse behavior, but it does explain it.

Plenty of us love you for your wit, intelligence, honesty, and candor, and I can't imagine anyone thinking less of you because of your body size/type. You are you. More weight, less weight, you are still the same man. If someone doesn't like you because of the way you look, I don't think such an ignorant, intolerant, shallow bastard is a person either of us wants to know. Fuck them!

Larry Ohio said...

First off, bless you Damein.

"...simultaneous scorn and pity..." I experience plenty of scorn, but never recognize the pity if and when it happens.

Every single member of my family over the age of 25 is obese. I don't mean overweight; I mean clinically obese. I was too, but over the last summer lost 39 pounds. Now I am merely overweight.

When my sisters and parents saw me this week at christmas gatherings, they practically worshipped me for being so "skinny". It's funny -- many of my gay brethren would heap scorn on me for still being overweight regardless of my weight-loss success, while my family gives me encouragement to do more. That says a lot about our gay community.

cb said...

You look good either way. And aren't you married? If you are, then you don't have to be thin anymore-- that's the rule.

Sean said...

I don't think it's gay men that are more judgmental, I think it's men. It's gender based not sexual orientation based.