1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
That current whack job running Iran.
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Is saying Britney Spears disrespectful to her kids?
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
4. What is your favorite cheese?
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
Sandwich of ME - Taylor Lautner in the front - and Bill Goldberg in the back.
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Tom Cruise - cause I wanna make that bitch pay for all his scientology bullshit - I would come fully prepared with toys of extreme size and unlockable restraints.
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Michael Buble - those lips.
8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Canesten - just in case Buble had anything - and I ***know*** Tommy Girl has something.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Tehran - Iran - I'm smacking whack job in the face remember?
10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
I'm in Iran - 100$ will buy me a hottie for a WEEK !!!
11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?
12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
The Roman Empire- now THERE are some baths I wanna visit - Gladiators.......... woof.
13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Worship must be tangible and with some form of lubricant!
14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?
"Search For A Slave" = its 30mins of me interviewing hot but dumb 20-somethings - yes - they are naked and yes - more lubricant is involved.
15.What is your favorite curse word?
16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
I tell them bitches to go get me a vodka and a hottie - dont just stand around me doing shit!!!
17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?
My computer - how the hell am I gonna keep track of that satellite tag I implanted in the slave?!?!?!?! - I cant let that bitch get away!!!
18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Have Colin Farell blow me - we all know that tape was just him getting rid of the rumours of him and that male model "friend" in Miami.
19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?
Invisibility - I love to watch.
20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
That half hour with Colin - now I get an hour blow job.
21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
That unfortunate Draino incident of '98.
22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?
Iran - butt driving Fundamentalists is fun. Just the fundamentalists of course - the moderates get to join in.
23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
The one where Colin goes to drink.
24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?
The new leader of Iran - do my best Allah impression and get him to get the fuck along with the rest of the world - because I like to push my luck I would also go to Israel and tell them to get their finger the fuck off the trigger.
25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
Britney - only because I feel bad for her kids ................. damn Jewish guilt.
26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
Nana - so my mum would stop grieving.
27. What’s your theme song?
"Get that slave bitch back here and where the hell is my vodka" - an original composition.