Thursday, 26 September 2013

Why I Hate My Brain....

For the Haters and Mr Sad - don't read this - actually fuck off from my blog altogether please - you bore me.

In the post below I mentioned how I hate moving house - and how I hate moving a house whilst being a depressive.

My broken brain- henceforth referred to as brobra - is a pain in the ass when it comes to ANYTHING out of the ordinary that isn't routine or part of my "ritual".

For most people, change is something that they can adapt to with a bit of moaning, groaning, but ultimately being able to absorb the challenge and go forward.  For those with mental illness of any kind, this is extremely difficult and here is why.

The primary tactic mental health professionals will tell you is STRUCTURE, STRUCTURE, STRUCTURE.  Have a structure to your day.  Even if it is a loose one, have some sort of framework for how you start and journey through your day. 

Sounds simple right?  It is one of the hardest things to do because life rarely lets your have a structured day.  From the little hiccups at work, to life events, to a change of work schedule, or a major life event, the structure often gets thrown out the window.  And the effect is something like this.......

You begin to run around like a crazy woman at an end of season sale.
Your heart rate doubles.
You begin to shut down - bit by bit.
Someone stands behind you glueing bricks to every part of your body, weighing you down.
And you suddenly find yourself standing on the brink of a chasm that seems not only impossible to get to the other side of, but you are convinced that if you even try, you'll fall to your death.

Sound dramatic?  It isn't drama.  Its a brobra in panic mode. 

I have actually broken down crying today whilst putting in place a plan just for the next two days as that is all I can handle.  My ability to plan whilst remaining even partly funtional is 48 hours.

That's life with a brobra.  And I am only a Clinical Depressive, if I was a Manic Depressive (Bipolar) I would more than likely be in hospital on heavy meds.

So........ for those who live without mental illness, this is a little insight into a life with it.

Fun huh?

Blessings n Shalom to you all



Anonymous said...

like you, i have a brobra, and moving is a torture....

there was a time when i looked forward to setting up house, but those days are long gone...i'd rather stay put. unfortunately, staying put sometimes involves renovations and i've popped more Ativan in the last two years than i have in all the time i've had a brobra!

hang in there, D! and if all else fails, hire movers who will pack, go on holiday and let Bub and mama set up house so that it's all done when you get back!


Damien said...

Thanks K :) - very sweet. Thankfully Bubb and Ima have stepped up and carefully planned out the next week so all I have to do is pack a few boxes.

Thank goodness.

I love my family.

PS What is Ativan? Should I get some :) ?