Going through a down patch. Have been for approximately 6 months now.
I have had my first therapy session with a wonderful psychologist last week. And I have hopes for his ability to help me find answers.
I live - currently - in dark days and nights of fear. I hate myself and find nothing good in and of me. I hate my body. I hate my looks.
I turn 44 on Tuesday with a year gone past of extreme highs and dreadfully personal lows. Lows that affected me in ways and in levels I hadn't understood.
I will get better. I have a good psychologist. I have my mother. And a wonderful best friend who is a one in a million - truly - and I am blessed to have him in my life. Thank you PJM.
For now I'm getting to the how's and why's of my crisis and the context of it all on me.
I am sad, angry, apathetic, enraged, desolate, and numb. Beige is a good word.
Before me is a journey that will be challenging and hard. But I will prevail. I have strength. I have faith. And, most importantly, I have those ready and willing to stand behind me to support me.
PS your support can be chocolate, a shoulder, custard, coffee, Turkish delight, or a kind word or check-in to see if I'm ok.
Thank you all for allowing me to vent and put this out there. Sometimes the pain is lessened by doing so.
Thank you all.
Shalom and may HaShem bless you all. — ￼looking for help.